


ribbons in our hair and our eyes gleamed mean

by heistsociety



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, I Don't Know Either, and pining, and this is honestly just so sugary sweet, i like angst why do i keep writing sweet things, oops i did it again, this is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 09:45:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11010900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heistsociety/pseuds/heistsociety
Summary: It's a rule of the cosmos: matter cycles, energy flows, and Parvarti loves Lavender.





	ribbons in our hair and our eyes gleamed mean

**Author's Note:**

> it's 1:19 am and i just want to post this. this is unbeta'd and i haven't reread this so please excuse my spelling errors and tell me if you find any. i'm just... really tired and gay and i was listening to girls like girls by hayley kiyoko.

She is color in a monochrome world; the stars, the skies, the universe. It's the most cliche thing that Parvarti has ever thought, but perhaps that's just what love does - takes every thought and turns it into a metaphor, writes prose on the lines of someone's smile. Parvarti's lips are tingling with the static of unspoken words and the  _want want want_ of Lavender's lips on hers. It's a rule of the cosmos: matter cycles, energy flows, and Parvarti loves Lavender.

It's a horrible, horrible thing, Parvarti thinks, to be in love and have it unreturned, especially when the object of affection is the person that's never more than an arm's length away. She's not sure what she did to offend the universe so horribly that it would make her everything that she hated as a child - pining, in love, unable to communicate - but this must be the equivalent to Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill. Every time Parvarti thinks Lavender might return her affections, she lifts one finger and pushes Parvarti back to the bottom of the hill.

Parvarti had two rules. 1. _Don't fall in love with a straight girl_ and 2. _Don't fall in love with your best friend._ Somehow, she managed to break them both in one go.

 

When Lavender starts dating Ron, Parvarti goes straight to Padma. Padma listens, but not in the same way that Lavender would. Parvarti can't help thinking that. And she hates herself for thinking that.

_"You're ridiculous,"_ Padma always says, because Padma does not and will never bother with love. And Padma - Padma just doesn't understand Parvarti anymore. And Parvarti doesn't understand Padma anymore. Sometime through the years there was a shift in the world and they went from PadmaandParvarti to Padma and Parvarti, and Lavender and Parvarti became LavenderandParvarti. It's different now. Not better, not worse. Just different. 

Parvarti sometimes wonders if she should've just stayed as PadmaandParvarti - there, at least, there would be no danger in falling in love with her best friend. But then Lavender smiles and the world is aglow and Parvarti wouldn't trade this for anything.

 

Lavender and Ron break up mid-sixth year.

_"Are you and Dean still a thing?"_  She asks, voice scattered by hiccups and tears.

_"We were never a thing,"_ Parvarti answers. Because she doesn't like Dean, not like that. Because Dean doesn't like her, not like that. Because she's in love with Lavender. 

_"Great,"_ Lavender smiles and Parvarti's heart skips a beat.  _"Then we're going hunting for boys."_ And it sinks.

Hunting for boys is the last thing that Parvarti wants to do, not least because she hasn't been interested in boys since she found out that she could be interested in girls. But nobody knows that Parvarti is gay except for Padma and her parents, and Parvarti's never been able to say no to Lavender. So they hike up their skirts and put on lipstick and if Parvarti is staring at girls  _(namely, Lavender)_ instead of boys, no one has to know.

Lavender calls it quits after an hour with the dramatic claim that her heels are going to kill her. Parvarti's nothing but relieved - if her own heels don't kill her soon, then Lavender  _in_ heels is definitely going to.

 

Padma hates being the person that Parvarti goes to about Lavender.  _"Communicate!"_ she'll say, her voice the equivalent of hands tossed in the air.

_"It's not that simple,"_ Parvarti answers, and Padma groans. 

_"Then just shut up about it!"_

 

Ironically, it's Padma who ends up forcing Parvarti's hand. 

They're arguing about Lavender for the third time this month and it's a broken record of same things, over and over again.

_"Just talk to her!"_

_"I can't!"_

_"Then stop pining!"_

_"I can't do that either!"_

_"For Merlin's fucking sake, would you just fucking tell Lavender that you're fucking in love with her?"_

Parvarti opens her mouth to yell back - something, something, she doesn't know what - when a tiny voice from the doorway asks,  _"You're in love with me?"_

It's Lavender. Parvarti would know her voice anywhere.

_"Fuck,"_ Padma says, quietly. Parvarti drags her eyes up to the door, everything in her fracturing and burning and withering. Lavender knows. Lavender knows and now nothing will be the same and  _fuck_ , Parvarti would rather just be friends with Lavender than loose her forever. She looks shocked and confused and Parvarti doesn't know what to do. It's fight or flight.

Parvarti's never been in a fight, not really.

She stands up and runs and runs and runs and ignores the calls of Padma and Lavender behind her. She runs and runs and runs and wishes that she was fast enough to rip a hole through time and go back to first year and stop herself from ever falling in love with Lavender.

She ends up in the astronomy tower and wonders what it would feel like to fly.

And then she collapses on the ground, buried in all her thoughts, and realizes that she's forgotten how to cry.

 

There are footsteps on the stairs about an hour later, during which Parvarti has been staring at a crack in the wall and silently willing it to swallow her whole. It barely registers in her mind until she hears Lavender's voice say,  _"Thank Merlin,"_ and wonders if hallucinations are a side effect of heartbreak.

They're not. She's quite sure the Lavender that slides down next to her is very real.

_"Hello,"_ she says dully.  _"Sorry."_

_Sorry for falling in love with you. Sorry for not telling you. Sorry that you found out._

_"Don't apologize,"_ Lavender says fiercely, and Parvarti finally, finally, finally looks at her. She's in a state worse than Parvarti would have thought. Her eyes are rimmed with red and her hair is flying in all sorts of different directions. Parvarti hadn't thought that finding out your friend has been secretly in love with you for years would've made someone that upset, but she could've been wrong. Parvarti had been wrong about a lot of things. She doesn't say anything, but she doesn't have to. Lavender continues,  _"We've been looking all over the castle for you, Padma and I. We thought - we thought you'd done something -"_ she stops, sniffling.  _"I'm glad you're okay."_

_"Sorry to worry you,"_ Parvarti echoes herself, hollow and apathetic.  _"I just didn't want to deal with the fall out. I understand if you hate me."_

_"Are you kidding me?"_ Lavender sounds baffled.  _"Why would I hate you?"_

Parvarti splays out her hands and stares at the lines on her palms.  _"Because I didn't tell you that I was in love with you. Or that I liked girls. Or - I don't know. Other things, I guess."_

A hand reaches out and takes Parvarti's chin, turning it so that she's looking Lavender in the eyes.  _"Parvarti... I've been in love with you since I was eleven. I actually talked to you because I had a major_ fucking  _crush on you, and I -"_ she laughs, tear-stained.  _"All this time, I thought you didn't like me back."_

Parvarti can't breathe, but it doesn't hurt this time. It feels less like a gunshot and more like anticipation. She laughs too, the apathy fading to brilliant, brilliant happiness.  _"I thought_ you  _didn't like me back."_

_"God, we're messes."_

_"Complete messes."_

_"Can I kiss you?"_

Parvarti's heart is pounding.  _"Yes."_

Lavender tastes like vanilla and kisses like fire. It's indescribable. It's not fireworks or lightning strikes - those things aren't gentle or sweet or anything like what kisses should be. It's more like a familiarity, like a crackling hearth or hot chocolate in the winter. It feels like  _home_.

_"Oh,"_ Parvarti says, a smile stretching across her entire face.

_"Oh,"_ Lavender agrees, with an expression to match.

 

The next day, Padma takes one look at their intertwined hands and sends a smug look Parvarti's way.  _"You're welcome,"_ she says, smirking.

Parvarti can't find anything to bite back with, not when Lavender -  _her girlfriend_ \- is right next to her, glowing and glowing and glowing.  _"Thank you."_

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr.](http://lizsutton.tumblr.com)


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